Monday, January 28, 2008

Plugged...

I haven’t noticed the passing of days. Everything seems to go about fast and subtle: the coming and going of the Christmas holidays; the return of my dearest friend after several cycles of chemotherapy in Manila; my exile to the land of promise.

Am I talking about it?

All right, exile may not be the best term for it. After all, it best suits deviants, and I believe I’ve been behaving well all these years…I don’t think I deserve such, err, exile?

The real score is I just need to get moving and start living life.

Last night, I looked into my friendster account to check on some grade school and high school classmates. They are really having the time of their life – some of them working poised in the corporate world, many of them making their way traveling in and out of the country, still a number of them already settled abroad. And well, a few of them already married and are happy with their babies.

Now what about me?

I am plugged.

That’s how I think I am. That’s what some people are telling me. Whatever it denotes, at times, I just think I am. Not that I have not grown, not that I have not changed a bit. Not that I have not moved, not that I have matured.

For one thing, I have mastered courage. I come armored with self-confidence and sufficient faith to keep me transient in this world… So, am I really plugged?

So why am I saying all of this? Err, maybe, I just want to. ☺_☺

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

..unknown

Theophany - I first heard it from him almost three years back. It all happened when he had sharing with his closest friends. Open and sincere that he has always been, he shared his deepest and ultimate wish –that which can only be materialized when the inevitable moment of saying adieu comes.

I don’t know why he said all of those. What prompted him to, whatever moved him to do make such heart-wrenching notes.

He hit the soft spot in most of his audience –our common friends have told me. He got them crying. I don’t understand why.

Not until he showed me his hand-written copy of that Theophany. What he wants to happen on his last day as a transient in this world.

I also cried. I was moved. It had his entire ultimate wish, beautiful. Very meaningful. In fact, it often comes back to my thoughts. Such an impact of a simple desire: a peaceful and love-filled day; a day of laughter and giggles shared by family and friends.

But what do I really remember in that Theophany? Why am I so affected?

All right, his theophany it is nothing more than the re-affirmation of my role. Particularly to him. No, don’t think that it is ‘us’. We are nothing more than best friends who share every thing under the sun, secrets and all. His last desire, however, puzzles our common friends and high school classmates.

On his last day, he would like me to be just there beside him, saying “to fill the vacuum that is usually there when I am not around”. That flatters. Never did I think he would want me on such a melancholic hour. Never did I think he would regard me as special as that…all right, I will do him the honor. I will make him happy. I will be there till his last breath. That’s a promise I made and am going to make. ☻


Thursday, January 10, 2008

a walk in the clouds

I am reminded of A Walk in the Clouds, a fresh grad’s personal account of his search for a job after a fulfilling college year. No, it’s not that I have just graduated. It is probably because I share the same conviction that I must start finding a niche for myself now. I am not getting any younger and while most of my classmates are already secured in their careers, I am yet to find my rock, to secure a life time career and start shaping my future.

All right, I had my life two years back. I had what I thought I needed. I’ve been to the places I have longed to visit since grade school. I had several trips on a plane over a month and had made good friendship with a flight stewardess who must have recognized me for frequently flying with them. I splurged. I indulged in food and fancies. I shared blessings with my family and they were happy.

The best thing then was my first trip abroad. All on my own to a strange land, braced with courage and trust. Praying that my foreign friend would not deceive me. Otherwise, I would have run to the nearest police station and ring up my grandma to save me. Or the Philippine embassy to avail of some rights for national protection. Anyway, to make the story short, everything turned out well. I had so much fun. I enjoyed the people and the place. And I look forward to going back there sometime when I have enough resources to support myself there.

Right now, I am just starting. Or have I started this new lease on life yet? You see, I have just tried out for a job post. My evaluation turned out quite well, so I am practically working now. My career is not yet as vivid as it should be; so I am keeping my fingers clasped in prayers.